It seems that I make an appearence one here quite rarely- my apologies.
A bit too lazy to update you on everything going on, but I'll post a few parts of things I've written in the past few months.

Please note:
These are all written by me, don't claim credit nor post them to your site without mentioning/informing me.  Thanks =)

One Step

One step forward then two steps back

Don’t know where I’m going or how I should act

Life’s so confusing- it’s all a big mess

Should I ask for more or just settle for less?

Something inside of me says that this is the start

Of a life that’s worth living that can heal my heart

A big dose of courage is what I’ll need

To stop my following and take the lead

I take one step forward and look straight ahead

No more going back is what they said

My foot inches back like I knew it would

But this time I fought it ‘cause I learned I could

I’m not backing down, I yearn to fight

For all that I deserve, for all that’s right

So now my foot moves forward, just as it should

The path’s become gold, no longer rough wood

A slow smile spreads across my face

This battle I’ll win- yes, that is the case

That tomorrow I’ll be ahead of the game

With no steps back, they’re all the same

For this effort it’s all my soul I’m giving

It’s toward the new life that I’ll be living

Untitled

This pain runs deep

It’s poisoned my veins

I clutch my heart

And fall to the floor

I weakly cry

O help me please

It hurts so much

It can’t be beared

I take a knife

And slash my skin

Blood drips down

Relief is felt

My sick mind

Relishes it

It’s cold and cruel

And calculating

It forces me

To cause more pain

For distraction

From the hurt

The one that took

Right over my soul

I laugh and cry

Go back for more

I have no room

To care that my life

Has become trapped

In an unending circle

Finding Peace

I can’t make it through the day

Will tomorrow be okay?

I won’t make it on my own

For I’ve been stripped down to the bone

I will tremble, then I’ll fall

Can’t you hear my frightened call?

Quickly fading, I am breaking

My lonesome heart, it’s for the taking

Once again I try but fail

It’s too much, my soul’s for sale

Used too often, my will is weak now

So feel me tremble, then watch me bow

To the greater power above

No where’s my peace, oh where’s the dove?

I have lost all hope for me

Where tomorrow will I be?

This here poison, I clutch so tight

Will it offer my final flight?

Darkness creeping, I can’t hold on

So I will be completely gone

Before that happens I’d like to say

We will meet again one fateful day

I don’t like to hurt you so

But the pain, it had to go

Stop

I pound my fists upon these walls

I scream for help but no one hears

I cry myself to sleep at night

I slash these wrists to feel the pain

I try to block out all my hurt

I live in memories of happy times

The world is black

This world is cruel

I need some help

O can’t you hear me cry?

Help, help, help

I need you to free me

Run, run, run

I need out of here

Hide, hide, hide

No one will ever find me

Here in this dark place of hell

Comfort

Come dear, take my hand.

Whisper quietly in my ear.

Tell me it’s not worth it.

Pull me from this edge.

Don’t let me jump.

Hold me in your arms.

Say that I’m worth something.

Pull the demons from my mind.

Give me that feeling of safety.

Show me what love is.

Betrayal has made me forget.

Tears have come too often.

Dry my face.

Tell me I’ll be okay.

Help me to hold on.

Just one more day.

Insurmountable Wall

I look up at this wall in front of me.

On the other side is all that I want, all that I strive for.

All I must do is climb this wall.

It stretches so high.

I take a step back.

Another, then yet another.

I cannot see the top of this wall.

I look around me, it stretches as far as the eye can see.

Tears pool in my eyes as I sit slowly down.

Leaning against this wall, I feel so hopeless.

Climbing it is an impossible feat.

And I'll throw in a litte exerpt from the story of my life that I wrote...

It's been forever since I've been on here.

Forgive me my dears, my life has been crazy.

A month and a half on the SSRI (anti-depressant), dosage upped once already and all it's done is made my slow switches between depressed, normal, and elated skyrocket to an hourly/daily switching regimine. 

Crashed my car.
Lost too many friends to count.
Ruined my chances with the guy I love.
School classes are a waste of my time.
Tired from the meds.
Quit going to my third psych.

If I were to continue with all the shit that's happened in the last couple months, you'd read for pages.

I sincerely hope that all of you are doing well, and I hope to hear from you!

Perhaps I'll try to come on here more regularily.

Loves <3

I had to strip for my parents... prove to them that I haven't been cutting.

I had my best guy friend ask me to send him a picture of myself in only a bra and underwear.  As a joke he says.  I'm trying to forgive him simply for the reason that I rely on him so heavily to talk me through my daily break downs. 

My boyfriend took my face in his hand, promised he would never hurt me, never use me like other guys have, and then kissed me.
A touching moment that would cause any girl to bask in joy.
And all I wanted to do was push him away from me.

My depression and anxiety have been coming back- slowly but surely.  These last few weeks I've really been losing it.

I could've been fired today if my manager hadn't decided to not tell my boss on me.  (I had been doing a scratch off during work.  And this is the same manager that has illegally sold me scratch offs in the past.  Hypocrite.)

"How's high school?"
"Oh fabulous.  Full of joy, happiness, and general contentment."

It's the sarcasm that gets us through the day.
The mask of strength that hides our pain.

I see not the accomplishments I have made,
Only the faults that were made along the way.

I got about a 4.2 GPA last term.
Instead of pride at the high achievement, I felt only disappointment toward the .8 that I did not earn. 

To the people that have comment on my last two posts:  I will respond.  Promise =)